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Thursday, May 9, 2013

When is it that I am going to see the light?


Night after night, I walk in my sleep deprived state, turning the pages of a new book, flicking the moronic television channels. I lie to myself tomorrow will be better. What is it that I am looking for? I turn to the big question, why am I here? Is there any purpose? Generations have dwelt into this pathetic yet essential question, philosophers have laid down their lives. But are we really nearer? Do we really have a purpose here? Or are we Darvinian’s evolutionary cycle, the fate to which lies on the survivor’s quest. The meaning to life is then so much easy, that centuries have been wasted in futility. Food and shelter, the only two things we need to concentrate to, and to forget about Nasa’s Mars mission or the president’s election. We even don’t need our clothes unless of course it contradicts the shelter purpose. But it is not so.

So what exactly am I doing here? Will someone stand up and guide me? Why do I look upon me as useless, like a crushed up soda tin waiting to be kicked on the road. At least, it served its purpose, quenched its master’s thirst. But, what about me? Do I have a master? Should I serve somebody? Night after night, I see a dream in which I am walking bare feet and a grand door is waiting for me, so much grand that the length and height is not visible, just a white hazy blur. And there I am, about to push it open. And yes, it opens. And all I see is just white light, the same one seen by many at the end of tunnel. It must be heaven, I reckon. But is it the purpose really? Is it what everything comes down to, finding a way to that door? If yes, then how? If I know anything, just praying cannot be it. It is something else, to fulfil our duty, to fulfil our destiny, that is only how it can be achieved. That is all we know beforehand. But the same question presents itself, what is our duty? What is our destiny? Some say it will be shown to you at the proper time? Till what then? Do I keep on living my moronic life with my no-clue-what-I-am-doing-with-my-life attitude? No, sir no. I refuse to do that. I want my answers and I want them now. I do not want my life to go aimless and to think that someday, by some sheer luck, I will be interviewed with my prospective destiny and if I chose, I will be able to open that bloody gate and if not, well, who gives a damn when you are dead!!