Night after night, I walk in my sleep deprived state, turning the pages of a new book, flicking the moronic television channels. I lie to myself tomorrow will be better. What is it that I am looking for? I turn to the big question, why am I here? Is there any purpose? Generations have dwelt into this pathetic yet essential question, philosophers have laid down their lives. But are we really nearer? Do we really have a purpose here? Or are we Darvinian’s evolutionary cycle, the fate to which lies on the survivor’s quest. The meaning to life is then so much easy, that centuries have been wasted in futility. Food and shelter, the only two things we need to concentrate to, and to forget about Nasa’s Mars mission or the president’s election. We even don’t need our clothes unless of course it contradicts the shelter purpose. But it is not so.
So what exactly am I doing here? Will someone stand up and
guide me? Why do I look upon me as useless, like a crushed up soda tin waiting
to be kicked on the road. At least, it served its purpose, quenched its
master’s thirst. But, what about me? Do I have a master? Should I serve
somebody? Night after night, I see a dream in which I am walking bare feet and
a grand door is waiting for me, so much grand that the length and height is not
visible, just a white hazy blur. And there I am, about to push it open. And
yes, it opens. And all I see is just white light, the same one seen by many at
the end of tunnel. It must be heaven, I reckon. But is it the purpose really?
Is it what everything comes down to, finding a way to that door? If yes, then
how? If I know anything, just praying cannot be it. It is something else, to
fulfil our duty, to fulfil our destiny, that is only how it can be achieved.
That is all we know beforehand. But the same question presents itself, what is
our duty? What is our destiny? Some say it will be shown to you at the proper
time? Till what then? Do I keep on living my moronic life with my
no-clue-what-I-am-doing-with-my-life attitude? No, sir no. I refuse to do that.
I want my answers and I want them now. I do not want my life to go aimless and
to think that someday, by some sheer luck, I will be interviewed with my
prospective destiny and if I chose, I will be able to open that bloody gate and
if not, well, who gives a damn when you are dead!!
